There's An Easy Way to Feel Better

And it's right there, in your phone contacts

I love to help job seekers reclaim their sense of purpose and move into fulfilling jobs. I’ve done this myself, and I want to share what I’ve learned with you. Please feel free to reach out to me at ruth@confidentcareersearch.com if you have a question about your job search or feel a mismatch with what you’re doing now. Trust me: Career happiness is possible. Want to chat? Book time with me

When I feel low, I tend to hunker down.

I don’t want to see anyone. I just want to bathe in my distress.

Funny thing, though. Ultimately, something happens to push me out of this mood.

I talk to a friend.

Maybe it’s just a text. Perhaps it’s a phone call or a Zoom. Maybe I see them at a networking event.

But the cloud lifts. And it’s because I get to hear about their latest activities, or just hear a few words of encouragement about mine. We might share moments of reflection or laugh at something that happened. I almost always feel grateful and supported.

So many people right now could use a dose of this. They are feeling anxiety and it’s not hard to see why. There are multiple, horrific events occurring around the world. Social media are packed with stories of personal trauma, crimes, and political conflict.

Then there is the constant speculation about the economy, the job market, the difficulties getting interviews, and the impact of AI on our careers.

It’s not surprising that if you’re looking for a job or considering making a career change right now you might feel overwhelmed, discouraged, or unable to get started. You might ask, what’s the point?

If you are heading into an emotional tailspin, this is what I recommend:

Think of people in your life with whom you’ve shared great experiences. You grew up together. You are part of the same group or organization. Maybe that person is one of your clients or associates or someone you know who runs a business. Maybe it’s a colleague you clicked with or a boss who was a mentor.

Contact one of them.

Rather than telling them how you’re feeling, ask them, “What are you excited about right now?”

But don’t just ask and listen; ask them how you can help further their goal. Can you offer some feedback? Can you help them make a connection?

I was inspired to reflect on this practice while listening to one of the older episodes of a favorite podcast, The Unmistakable Creative. In 2017, Garrett Gunderson, an entrepreneur, author, and entertainer, whose work focuses on money mindsets, talked about how he gets himself out of a funk when he is doubting himself. He said talking to friends helps because the exchange of value helps him appreciate who he is and what he is capable of.

Gunderson wasn’t just inventing something out of thin air.

The benefits of social connection are widely recognized and supported by numerous studies and experts in the fields of psychology, sociology, and neuroscience, including psychologists Barbara Fredrickson and Susan Pinker, both of whom have written and spoken widely on the topic.

According to a recent U.S. Surgeon General's report, loneliness is more dangerous than smoking 15 cigarettes a day. His comments are supported by a mega-analysis completed more than a decade ago by Harvard researchers who examined the lifestyle and mortality data of more than 350,000 people going back to the early 20th century.

I have experienced that going to friends to find out what’s new—dipping into someone else’s life to find out what they are thinking about and what they are dreaming about—can help me get out of my own head.

It can give us a reality check about what’s possible and show us that we are part of that possibility, connected to our community.

It can inspire and motivate us, reminding us that we can achieve our goals, too.

Engaging with a friend about their endeavors helps shift our focus outward, reducing negative introspection. It can improve our mood, show us that we belong, and provide us with emotional support.

I have several close friends who are always working on something interesting.

One of them is building a regional theater company. Another writes short stories, plays, and screenplays. He published a novel in 2020.

They both wrestle constantly with ideas. It’s inspiring to hear their excitement about a project and about the creative ways they are dealing with obstacles. Both are growth-oriented people who are not deterred by failure; it is merely a building block toward success.

After I talk with one of these friends, I feel like all things are possible. I feel refreshed.

It can work for you, too! So, next time you are feeling hopeless, whether it’s about your career, your finances, your new business venture, or the state of the world, contact one of your energetic friends. Spend some time catching up. Find out what’s new.

You likely will start feeling better by the time you end the conversation and be ready to conquer the world.

­